I was having a quiet night at home with the dogs,
Cooking a feed … Watching re-runs on T.V.,
Until the Staffies began to bark a warning,
That we were about to have unexpected company,
I said; “WHO THE HELL COULD THIS BE?
STEADY ON GIRLS … SETTLE DOWN… GIVE ME A BREAK! ”
Although when seven balaclava clad bandits burst in,
I exclaimed; “ SHIT! … THIS MUST BE SOME KIND OF MISTAKE! ”
The Staffies and I backed into a corner,
Growling and bearing our teeth,
Three angry Bitches prepared to defend our honour,
Determined to cause those intruders grief.
The Home Invaders looked at each other with bewilderment,
I demanded: “LEAVE NOW! … GET OUT OF MY HOME! ”
When one brazen pot-bellied baritone bandito replied:
“STAND AND DELIVER … WE WANT A SONG OR A POEM !
WE ARE NOT HERE TO STEAL DRUGS OR JEWELRY,
OR TAKE THE MONEY FROM YOUR PURSE,”
“JUST SHOW US WHERE YOU’VE STASHED YOUR PERSPECTIVES,
WE ARE ONLY INTERESTED IN YOUR LYRICS AND VERSE !
WE’VE CAUGHT YOUR ACT AT THE LISMORE LIVE POETS,
AND AT THE WRITERS AT THE RAILS,”
WE’VE SEEN YOUR BOOK; “It’s Just a Matter of Perspective”,”
BUT SO FAR ALL ATTEMPTS TO ACQUIRE A COPY HAVE FAILED.
WE ARE FRUSTRATED PERFORMANCE POETRY JUNKIES,
TWO FIXES PER MONTH ARE SIMPLY TOO FEW …
… OPPORTUNITIES FOR US TO HAVE A GOOD LAUGH,
AND ACCESS YOUR AMUSINGLY SMUTTY POINTS OF VIEW.”
I responded; “GOODNESS GRACIOUS ME …
MAKE YOURSELVES COMFORTABLE.
WOULD YOU LIKE A COLD DRINK … OR MAYBE A CUPPA?
TAKE OFF YOUR MASKS … RELAX … MEET THE DOGS
IF YOU’D LIKE … I’LL PREPARE A LIGHT SUPPER.”
I then started rattling off poem after poem,
Even sang the odd song or two,
Put on different costumes, some music and Belly Danced,
Told some jokes … Gave a ninety minute Comedy Review,
Until one after another my surprise guests began to nod,
Overdosing on my versatility and zeal,
By dawn only one of my dogs and I remained awake,
Quite invigorated by the entire ordeal.
There is no doubt that I gain pleasure from entertaining,
To get me to perform … Takes so little persuasion,
So I’m impressed by the premeditation and co-ordinated effort involved,
On the night that I was the Victim … of a POEM INVASION!
This poem was runner-up in the 2000 Byron Bay Writers’ Festival Poetry competition.