Greetings Earthlings and fellow Space Travelers,
I come in Peace … and Alone.
I confess … I am an Alien,
Here on Earth, on a .. holiday,
I come from the planet Ganja,
Six thousand light years away,
The atmosphere, here on Earth,
Has far too much Oxygen for me,
Because back on the planet Ganja,
It comprises fifty percent THC.
On Earth I have to smoke joints,
Bong on or put pot in my food,
Because when my blood levels are on the decline,
It puts me in a lousy mood.
Thank the Stars that I crash landed in Nimbin,
Where nobody made a fuss,
They were focused on selling drugs to people,
On a Byron Bay tourist bus.
Despite my silver Space Craft,
Damaged shell and gleaming white hot,
I remember their first words of greeting;
“Hey buddy … do you want to score some Pot?”
The dominant Life Form on Ganja,
All look quite similar to me,
You Earthlings call us “females”,
A superior design … as all can see.
We also have what you call “men”,
But we just call them “toys”,
Dirty, smelly, hairy beasts,
That make a lot of noise.
We don’t have messy physical sex,
So we started a Sperm Bank,
Where we round the toys up like dairy cows,
And make them all … have a wank.
Once milked of all their juices,
Of toys we have no further need,
But the toys get off on each other,
So we only farm toys for their seed.
I’ve tried having sex the Earthling way,
But I must have got it all wrong,
He put in his penis … his face turned quite red,
And it didn’t last very long.
So I made him do it again and again,
Many different positions we tried,
But by the third day … he’d had enough,
Eyes rolled back in his head … and he died.
I’ve also had sex with a female from Earth,
Which was truly quite delicious,
But when I told her that I wasn’t a Lesbian,
That purring pussy became bitchy and vicious.
I must admit I’ll be happy,
To be on my way home again soon,
Far across the Galaxy … beyond many bright Stars,
To the Planet with the leaf-shaped moon.